A Starbuck's Jerk
by AndreaO22
Summary: He steals her coffee, she pelts his car with butter. Bella meets Edward at Starbuck's, and doesn't think she'll ever see him again. Throw in a bunch of crazy friends, and Hello Kitty, and these two will find themselves in weird situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is not associated with anything franchised from the story. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I simply change up her characters, and may create my own.

Chapter One: Coffee, Cooking, and Hello Kitty

A blond haired, shaggy-looking kid approaches my desk, wearing skinny jeans, a hat, and the ugliest shirt I'd seen today. Before the curse words, and the LOL's and LMFAO's can come out, I reach over and snatch the hat off his head.

"What the fuck!" he's angry. His eyebrows are raised and he's gracing me with the second glare I've received today. _How did I get so lucky?_

"I don't know if you can read or not, but that big blue sign hanging on the door, says "No Hats Allowed." I say, pointing to the door.

He reaches over to get his hat, but I'm too quick for this bitchboy, and plant it under my ass.

"Don't think I won't go under there" he says.

"And don't think I won't kick your ass," I retort.

"We're in a library. You could get fired". I laugh. I've worked as a librarian for three months now. There is no way I could ever be let go.

"Meet me after then. I don't play games".

He flips me the bird, all while walking away backwards, muttering the word "bitch" over and over again. I'm impressed by his multitasking. So impressed that I raise out of my seat, lean over the desk, and toss his hat at him.

* * *

The line at Starbucks the next day just about kills me. It's nearly 59 degrees outside, and I'm dressed in Hello Kitty tights, a plain black shirt and skirt, with a leather coat on. I am a cranky bitch in this weather, but bitches need coffee too, right?

When I finally get inside, I find out that they are out of French Vanilla creamer. What coffee joint runs out of creamer, you ask? Apparently, this one. Sullenly, I accept the Hazelnut shit, and turn around to fish out my wallet. When I turn back around, I notice something is missing.

"Where's my coffee?" I ask Starbucks worker number one.

"Excuse me ma'am?" He must be new here.

"Oh, you know the medium-sized coffee that I just ordered from this shitty place?" I hear a laugh.

I turn around prepared to stick my knee in his bouncy place, but come face to face with the darkest, most beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen. Top those off with a crooked smile, bronze-like, unruly hair, and my panties were soaked.

"Something funny?" I stick out my chest, flashing the goods. I smile when he glances down and licks his lips. God, the places that tongue could go.

"Just you," he speaks and I just about die.

I smack my forehead and reply, "Oh crap. Did I forget to take off my Micheal Jackson makeup, and big red nose?"

"Not today, but you should definitely wear that sometime." He velvet voice whispers in my ear.

I inhale as he pulls back, and catch a sniff of his breath.

"-the fuck" I stammer, "Did you steal my coffee?" It's my day to glare.

"Technically…no" and he's Mr. Chuckle again.

"Well I could technically stick my foot up your ass"

"Finders, keepers" he says, then retreats.

Before I can let him get to his car, I dash back into the Starbucks and buy a handful of packaged butter.

I chase after him, and pelt his car.

"Take that bitch!" I yell, and let out my victorious cackle. surprisingly he smiles at me. He raises his coffee cup, smirking devilishly, and he drives by me. I'm left with an exaggerated pout, no coffee, and smashed butter all over my hand.

* * *

As soon as I enter the apartment, a cloud of smoke consumes me.

"Rose!" I yell, desperate to find my roommate.

"In the kitchen dear!" she replies, and I head in her direction. When I see that she's okay, I take a deep breath to calm myself.

"Relax Bella. I'm just cooking dinner," Rose says, and I stare at her in shock. Rose is a gorgeous blond whose been envied by every girl she's ever met. I must admit, I was one of those girls, but I quickly got over myself, and we'd been best friends for years.

"Rosalie," I cross my arms and stare at her still completely in shock, "You can't cook. Remember that time you bought a Martha Stewart's cook book, and made shit-tasting cookies for trick-or-treaters? Or that time that you volunteered to make the turkey for Thanksgiving and ended up coating it with my mother's edible lube. Or how about the time-"

"Okay, Bella, I understand. And that was like five years ago". Rose turns back around to tend to her burnt meal, that looks like chicken and chocolate. I open up some windows, batting out the smoke, and take a trip down memory lane. It was the second Thanksgiving that Rosalie would be spending with me and my family. Her family was swimming in the Bahamas somewhere, blowing their money on everything and anything. Rose and I met our second year in college, and not once did her mother, her father, or even her sister, come and visit. Every holiday Rose would sit alone in our dorm room, snacking on M&M's and Mike & Ikes, as if it was normal that her family didn't care what she did. Anyway... that Thanksgiving Rose declared that she wanted to be the Turkey-cooker, and my mother reluctantly gave up her "Stroke The Cook" apron. Let's just say that Rose had to cover up the black parts of the turkey some way, and she decided to rifle through my mother's drawer. I learned some weird things about my parents' that day. The disturbing "Renee, why does this taste so familiar?" resurfaces in my father's voice, and Rosalie snaps me back.

"Bella. I don't know what to do. Dinner's ruined," Rosalie says, and I can't help but feel bad for her. I plant her in front of the TV, turn it on, and scan the commercials.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"Looking for dinner," I say, and a Subway's commercial pops up.

"That's perfect!," Rose screams in my ear, and I dramatically fall off of the couch.

"Bitch ow!", I yell, holding on to my ear."

"Sorry, but Subway's is just perfect. My monkey will love it," Rose stares off dreamily. Rose has been dating Emmett Cullen, otherwise known as, "her monkey", for two months now, and tonight Rose decided to cook him dinner. So the night kind of started off wrong. The plus side is, I get to finally meet Emmett tonight.

"Fuck," Rose glances at the TV, "Dinner's supposed to be at six". The bright 5:30 flashes against the screen.

"It's fine Rose. You run and pick up the sandwiches, and I'll stay and clean up,". Rose may be a horrible cook, but her cleaning skills just about suck ass as well. She hates cleaning, although an outsider would think otherwise. We own a bright pink, vacuum cleaner. Bright Pink! The day she brought it home, I was so mad I put it out in the rain. I'm sad to say it survived.

"Fine, but just make sure you change your clothes," she frowns, looking down at my outfit.

"Hello Kitty is the shit Rose," I say, unaffected by her lack of appreciation for my clothes.

"I know, but Bella you must have to look more... just more tonight,".

"What are you saying Rose?"

"Emmett'sbringinghisbrothertodinner," she mumbles low and fast.

"Sorry Rose couldn't hear you," I laugh, "That almost sounded like you said Emmett wouldn't be alone tonight". She joins in on the laughter, stands up and puts on her coat and her shoes.

"He's bringing his brother Edward. So put on a nice dress, some make up, and I'll do your hair when I get back," Rose leaves out the front door before I can come up with a response. Five seconds later, she pops her head back in, "If you put on Hello Kitty I will kick your ass bitch". I throw my plush Hello Kitty pillow at the door when she slams it close again.

* * *

Rose returns fifteen minutes later, and the house is spotless. I cleaned my ass off, hoping that this would deter her from my sleek, strap-less black dress, with a big pic of Hello Kitty's face on the chest. It's _sad_ that I don't even like Hello Kitty all that much, but I just wear the stuff to annoy Rose. We're in my bedroom, and Rose is curling my hair, unbeknownst to the dress under my robe.

"I really like him B, and I haven't met his brother yet either if that makes you feel better," she says, setting down the curling iron.

"That makes me feel so much better Rose," I mutter, being sarcastic as usual. Unfortunately, Rose has learned by now, and catches my sarcastic remark. I have earned a smack on my chest.

"Ow!" I say, rubbing my boobies, "Is it hurt Bella day?"

"You are so lucky I'm already dressed".

"I am capable of doing my own hair Rose".

"Yeah, well-" she begins to say, but is cut off by the insistent sound of our doorbeel rining over and over again. I hear booming laughter from the hallway.

"What the hell Rose? Did you invite a seven-year old to dinner too?" I stand up, prepared to get the door. Rose shreiks, pushing me out of the way, and heading for the door.

"Emmy!" I hear her yell, and close my door. _It's showtime, ladies and gents. _I take off my robe, revealing my obnoxious dress, and slip my shoes off. What? I'd feel more comfortable barefoot. I open up my door, and walk out towards the living room. I am greeted by a big, burly man, who I am to assume is Emmett.

"Hello Kitty, really?" he says, in the same booming voice. Rose turns to glare at me.

"I happen to love her. She's such an inspiration. I'm Bella," I step forward to shake his hand.

"Emmett, and Hello Kitty doesn't really do it for me. She hardly ever speaks. Plus she's a bitch to Charmmy Kitty," he says and I just about snap to defend the honor of a show I barely know.

"I don't know who that is," I say and stare at him menacingly, "But I do know that you never talk about Hello Kitty like that". He shrugs it off , and laughs, infuriating me further.

"So Emmett," Rose steps between us, "Where'd your brother go?"

"Right here," I hear a familar velvety voice, and spin around. Coming face-to-face with Mr. Chuckles. _Fuck my life._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is not associated with anything franchised from the story. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I simply change up her characters, and may create my own.

Chapter Two: Butter, Party City, and Mother's

I've been staring at Edward at Edward for fifteen minutes now. I wouldn't exactly call it staring though. More like glaring. Every time he reaches for something, the mayo, pickles, tomatoes, I take them and put them and put them on my own sandwich. It's so big right now; I can barely fit it in my mouth. _Oh well._ But now I must stop, my poor sandwich can't take anymore.

With a smug grin on his beautiful face, Edward takes the mayo and lathers up his sandwich. A pickle drops out of my mouth and onto my lap, but do I smack it off me? No, I reach for the pickle and place it back on my sandwich.

The glaring continues, but surprisingly, Edward does not glare back. Rosalie however, is visibly pissed at me. Maybe I should have told her the story of my Starbuck's jerk. Rose clears her throat, trying to remind me that Edward and I are not alone.

"So Emmett…" I say, turning towards Edward's brother, "Has Edward ever stolen anything from you?" Rose kicks me under the table, and I subtly stick my middle finger up towards her with a smile. She kicks me again.

"Rosalie," Edward turns his head in her direction, "Does Bella like butter? Like does she use it a lot? Ever throw it at you?"

"Hey," I but in, "I didn't throw it at you. I threw it at your car".

"And so the truth is revealed," Emmett says, "Got any dessert Rosie?"

"I actually do Emmett," Rose stands up, collects the dishes, and heads into the kitchen. I have to find a way to avoid Rose's wrath. The last time she was mad at me she bought a cat to fuck up my silk Hello Kitty pillow. _I should really tell her I don't like Hello Kitty as much as she thinks._

"Who's up for The Avengers boys?" I steer Emmett and Edward into the living room, following swiftly behind them. I take a seat on the couch besides Emmett, and Edward sits on the black leather chair with his feet up on the matching ottoman. Rosalie comes in and grabs my hand, leading me out of the living room. But before I am pulled away completely, I race back towards Edward and slap his feet off of the ottoman.

"That's a no-no Butter Boy," I shake my finger at him, and he laughs the laugh I am becoming too familiar with.

"What the hell is your problem Bella? Emmett might reconsider me if he can't handle my psycho best friend".

"Now you know that would never happen Rosalie". I take the wet dishes from her, dry them, and put them away. She scoffs at me, and I say "Okay Rosalie. Emmett's a nice guy, and you guys are really cute together".

"So you're going to behave Bella?" she points her finger at me, accidently throwing water at me. I dip my hands in the water, and splash water at her.

"Bella! You're making me wet". I laugh at her, and hear Emmett call from the living room, "That's my job Bella!" Rose smiles and I shudder. _Ew. Something I didn't want to know about my "sister"._

I reach into the fridge and pull out dessert. A scrumptious red velvet cake. I take the cake and walk into the living room. Rose walks in with plates and a knife, and the cake is served. Every one chows in, and Emmett is done before us all. He sneakily moves his fork over to Rose's plate in an attempt to steal some. Rose giggle and smacks his hand away.

I lean over to Edward and whisper, "Just like your brother huh?"

"You're too coy with me as well Isabella," he whispers in my ear. I shiver at his seductive tone. I look back over at Emmett and he's just finished polishing off another piece of cake.

"Wow Emmett. You're stomachs like bottomless pit," I say, and hear Edward's snicker. I stand up and walk over to the DVD player, and put in The Avengers. When it's finished I return to my seat, and Emmett looks over at me with a deadly serious expression.

"I'm beautiful in my own way Bella. God makes no mistakes. I was born this way".

Edward nearly chokes on his cake, laughing so hard, and I stare at Emmett in shock.

"Rose," I say, "You have to find a new boyfriend". Rose reaches over and slaps my arm and I hold up my hands in defeat.

"What. You hate Lady Gaga".

"I can learn to love it," she smiles at Emmett.

"It's fine Rosie. I don't really like LG. I was playing Dance Central 2 with my niece Irina the other day, and that song's been stuck in my head ever since".

"Oh yeah!" Edward's laugh continues, "I have a video of that. So fucking funny".

"I'm a family fun babe," Emmett winks at Rose, and she turns beet red. _Finally! A man that can make Rosalie blush. _The movie starts, and I realize that after the thirteen time of seeing it, it never gets old.

"Chris Hemsworth is so yummy" I say. _I love that man. Too bad he's married. _I can see Rose nod from the corner of my eye.

"Scarlett Johansson," Edward whistles, "I'd do her". I can feel that little green Bella, who've I've dubbed Bibsy, begin to make her way out of me.

"Robert Downey Jr. has a nice ass," I lick my lips and look at Edward. He frowns and says "Gwyneth Paltrow has a nice rack". I nearly smack him, but try to contain Bibsy. She's a feisty one once out of the cage.

"How about another movie?" Rose suggests, "Maybe Snow White and the Huntsman?". Edward frowns at the name, and I am actually with him on this one.

"Eh no. I can't stand the main girl".

"I've got an idea," Emmett pipes in. We all turn to look at him, but he does nothing but grin.

* * *

An hour later we are all standing outside of Party City in ridiculous Halloween costumes. Emmett's idea was for us to dress up in these Halloween costumes and go trick or treating. Rose and I scoffed at the idea, because Halloween isn't for another month. Edward was all for the idea, until he found out whah his costume would be.

Emmett declared that he would be the one to pick our costumes, because it was his idea. _And the seven-year old resurfaces._ Edward is dressed as Papa Smurf, complete with a blue shirt, red hat and pants, white shoes and the signature white beard. The pants are really tight, and I must say…RDJ has nothing on Edward. Rose is a sock monkey, with red heels, knee length socks, a brown head band and dress with a red heart above her thigh. It had a red ribbon wrapped around the waist, and an actual sock monkey. I laughed at that one, and Rose glared at me and whispered something to Emmett.

I believe she's the reason I'm stuck in this clown outfit. Rose knows I hate clowns. When I was thirteen I had my first ever birthday party, against my will of course. The clown announced that it was balloon animal time, and I became so upset. I was way too old for that shit. I went upstairs and got my bazooka-looking water gun, and sprayed the water in the clown's face, refilling it when necessary. My parents' didn't understand why I'd become so angry, and put me on punishment for three weeks. To this day, I hate clowns.

So now, I'm dressed in this blue and white dress with multi colored polka dots, red and white striped tights, a blue afro-type wig, and a red nose. Emmett decided I should go all the way with the outfit, and made me put on bright, white makeup. I was ready to shove my little matching umbrella up his ass. He was dressed as Harry Potter, and I thought that he should've been something a little more…silly like the rest of us. With his regular cloak, the glasses, the wig, the black shoes, and a mascara drawn scar. He was the only one out of us that liked his outfit. Or he was just happy because of the extra bags that he and Rose snuck into the car. _Somebody's role playing tonight._ I was especially mad, because I saw a Hello Kitty pink onesie with the face plastered on the chest area, and a Hello Kitty hat. I could've used that to annoy Rose later. Damn.

Another reason to be annoyed at Emmett: he's making me go first. I climb out of Emmett's big Honda truck, and walk up to the first house I see. A middle-aged man with an obvious blag wig answers the door and looks me up and down.

"Trick-or-treat," I grumble as low as I can, and he holds up one finger and turns his back to me. I can still see him, and he reaches down to adjust hisself. I turn around towards the car, and plead with somoen to come help me. He's laughing his ass off, Rose is so disgusted, she holds her neck and makes a barfing gesture. Edward actually looks pissed off, and I smile internally. The guy turns back around and says "Hmm. I've got a treat for you…I've got a balloon for you to play with".

"Be careful. I may just pop it". His face turns snow white, and I throw my umbrella at him, and stomp back to the car. Emmett reaches his hand out, wanting a high-five, and I slap his hand extremely hard. Rose is the next to go, and I awe at the elderly couple that answer's the door. They are so adorable, with their matching pajamas. Rose returns back to the car with four apples.

"Wow Rose. I don't know why, but I thought that you'd bank a little higher". Emmet says, and he and his brother share a laugh.

"Yeah. Maybe dental floss or something". Edward says, and the laugh again.

"Haha Edward. Why don't you go next?" Rose smiles smugly at him. So Edward goes next, and a provocative-looking woman answers door. She's dressed in a lacy, blue nighty and licks her lips at the sight of my Papa Smurf.

"Who answer's the door dressed like that?" I glare at the under dressed woman.

"Sluts and hoes," Rose says, and Emmett laughs his booming laugh. Edward comes back and says "Who wants' my kisses?" I eagerly take a Hershey's kiss out of Edward's hand, and shove it into my mouth while looking at the woman. _That'll show her._

Emmett is the last one to go, but before I can let him go I convince him that he needs to dust off his cloak. When he bends over for the lint brush, I take off my red nose and stick it right on his ass. Emmett exits the car, and walks towards a random house. Before he makes it all the way to the house, he turns back around and shouts "Do I look like a wizard Rosie?" Rosalie smiles at him, and gives him a thumbs up. He sends one back to her, and walks to the door.

Edward, Rosalie, and I nearly die with laughter when the fruitiest looking guy answers the door with fuzzy, bunny slippers. Emmett turns towards the car in shock, and the guy looks at his ass and licks his lips. Emmett begs us for help with his eyes, but I wave my hands in a shooing motion. _I haven't had this much fun in so long! _The guy gives Emmett some type of chocolate, and reaches to give Emmett a hug. Although Emmett's hands remain at his sides, this does not deter the guy. His hands swiftly move down towards Emmett's ass, and his thumb moves in a circular motion over the clown nose.

Emmett jumps away from him, and sprints to the car like a maniac.

"Drive Rosie!" he screams, and Rose waves at the guy, looking so sad on his doorstep. Edward and I shake with laughter. Who knew this would turn fun?

* * *

When we get home, Rose and Emmett rush to her room with the extra Party City bag. Edward and I remain in the living room.

"Emmett was my ride," he scratches the back of his neck.

"Well I don't know how long they'll be at it, but you can take the couch".

"Thanks Bella" he smiles at me, and I head into my bedroom. I haven't spoken to my mom in a while, and but maybe I'm in a good enough mood to deal with her tonight. I sit on my bed and call her; she picks up after the third ring.

"Isabella? Hey" my mom's not much of a talker, unless she's telling me what I'm doing wrong. When Rose and I got out of college, and stayed in the city, my mom didn't like it. When I got the librarian job, she didn't like that either.

"When are you coming home Isabella?"

"I'm not coming home mom. I happen to love it here. The Starbuck's is amazing" I sigh.

"Give it up Isabella. You can't possibly be happy with your pitiful life. Have you forgotten that you're a librarian" she scoffs.

"Well I do go to work Mondays through Thursdays Mom. It's kind of hard to forget".

"Stop with the sarcastic bull shit. You said that the library thing was just temporary. You need to grow up and act your age".

"I'm twenty-four mom! I think I have time," my voice begins to crack. I hate it when she speaks to me this way.

"You're wasting your life Bella. Come back and be with Ben. He was one of the only ways you would have a future".

"I broke up with him, remember? And Ben's with Makenna. You remember Makenna, right? My ex bestie that I found in bed with him?"

"Mistakes happen Isabella. You still have a roommate. You have no boyfriend, and your job's shit. You need to grow up. You're worthless right now. Worthless!" I hang up on her and fall onto my bed. I sob into my pillow for what seems like five minutes, until there's a knock on my open door. I look up and find Edward standing outside of the room.

"Do you have a blanket I can use?" he asks.

"Oh yeah," I pull myself off of the bed, "They're right in the closet". I try to walk past him, but he notices my tear-stained cheeks.

"Shit Bella. What's wrong?" he cradles my face in his hands. I cannot speak about it, and sob into his chest. He soothes me, and moves us over to the bed to sit. After ten minutes of just crying, I've tired myself out. Edward places my feet on the bottom of the bed, and my head on the pillow. I close my eyes, and feel him slip away from me.

"No!" I cry, not wanting him to leave my side. I pull him down onto the bed, and nestle into his chest. He holds me once again, and I feel secure. I fall asleep to the sweet crooning in my ear, wrapped safely in Edwards arms.

* * *

I wake up the next morning with my memory intact. I snuggle into Edward's chest, grateful for his presence.

"They're so cute together" I hear Rosalie say.

"Nice bro," Emmett says and I hear a smack and "Ouch Rosie". _What the hell are they doing in my room? _I open my eyes prepared to kick them out, when they meet Edward's green eyes. I wonder how long he's been watching me. I smile up at him, and then get out of his embrace to kick out Em and Rose. After they're gone, I look over at Edward, who looks so right in my bed.

"Good morning Bella. About last night," he scratches his neck again. I've come to notice that he does it when he's nervous.

"No need to relive it Edward," I cut him off, scared of rejection. What if I hogged all of the covers last night? What if I snored? What if I kicked him?

"Thanks for being there for me".

"If you ever need to talk Bella…I'm just a call away".

"Giving me your number huh?"

"If you want it, it's yours" he says, and I smile.

"I'm going to go use the bathroom," I head out of the room, and wash my face, brush my teeth, and use the facilities. How can a night like that lead to such a good morning?

I'm making waffles for breakfast, but Rose and Emmett's innuendos don't stop. Especially when Edward enters the kitchen.

"Have a good night Edward," his brother teases him.

"I had an amazing night Emmett". I smile and ask Edward how he likes his waffles.

"With lots of butter Bella", he answers.

"I thought I gave you plenty the other day," I snort.

Emmett gasps and says "Did you fruit his loops Bella?" We all stare at him, questioningly.

"Fruit his loops? Edwards balls? You guys don't get comedy".

"No one gets your comedy Emmett," I bring two stacks of waffles over to the table and have a seat.

"How was your night Rose?" I place three waffles onto my plate.

"I felt like a new person," she winks at Emmett, and I stifle another shudder.

"Like a certain Jane in the jungle, maybe?" Edward asks. Rose blushes a deep red, and hides her face in Emmett's chest.

"Tarzan over here" Edward motions to Emmett, "Was pretty fuckin' loud, I'm surprised Bella slept through that".

"Because you would know," Emmett leans back in his chair, Edward's comment having no affect on him. I blush and pour a shit load of syrup on my waffles. I'm going to need all the sugar I can eat to make it through breakfast with these people.

* * *

Emmett and Edward leave an hour later, and Rose immediately quizzes me about last night.

"So what really happened Bella?" We take a seat on the couch.

"Renee called," I sigh. Rose knows all about Renee.

"Aw. I'm sorry B. Why didn't you come get me?" she looks at me sadly.

"I didn't want to ruin your Disney fantasy. Besides, Edward was there".

Before Rose can open her mouth I say, "Nothing happened Rose. I'm going to go take a nap. All that crying gave me a headache". I get up off of the couch and head towards my room.

"Okay, but come get me if you need me, and we will talk later". I go to my room, and pick up my phone out of curiosity. _No calls from Renee? Shocking. She probably thinks that she didn't say anything wrong. My mother is so typical._ I scroll through my contacts, contemplating deleting her number, when I come across a new contact. _Papa Smurf? Oh Edward. _I send him a text.

_You think you're so funny:) __-B_

Not a minute goes by before he responds.

**For you…I try to be:) ****-E**

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please review:)


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